I just went through almost 90 pages (out of 384) of “pirate” search results on Etsy.

*sigh*

And then amused myself by sending out this message on my new phone:

Thank you for joining __’s Contacts. Please select from the following Drunk Text options: a) nonsensical b) naughtynaughty or c) illegible. Thank you, Management.

One reply reads “d all of the above.”