Archive for December, 2009

December 25, 2009

Holy non-sequiturs! Holy crazy hemlines! Holy Robert Louis Stevenson! Holy return from oblivion! Holy knit one purl two…! Holy interplanetary yardstick! Holy unrefillable prescriptions!

They forgot one I always used in childhood, though, “Holy hole in a donut!”

from TDW.

FUCK Christmas.

December 25, 2009

I’m just saying.

The Star Wars Holiday Special is only (“only”) two hours long, but I’m pretty sure it’ll take all day to watch it, in between pausing it to go weep and rinse my ears out (because it is bad).

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=323909610753051544#

Also, Corn Weeny.

ME AND MY RHYTHM BOX!

December 24, 2009

I was just there to drop off some things, in the donation box…but OH! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Sure this dress will make some sort of fine dirndl or surcoat,

And this window valance will be a fine bustle,

And this Mexican cookbook is nice and authentic, and the yellow one is a nifty “Cooking Additive Free” cookbook from the 70s

(as in, natural cooking, without being all BE NOW HERE, ahead of its time as far as the current slowish food movement in the States) and I’m going to relearn some French and and and but but but…then I saw the upper right corner of a poster – I never look at the art there, it’s always over-priced. I thought I recognized it, though…and I did.

My jaw dropped as I rushed towards it. I remember looking and looking for a copy of it – I eventually found one on Ebay for $twenty-something (VHS – and I’d seen it previously for much more).

You can get it on DVD now, I think, but oh, it is one of the most wretched pieces of cinematography you will ever lay EYES on. Mash up Zardoz and Holy Mountain and thrown in junkies and aliens…and New Wave fashion…I’ve never seen any merchandise to go with it. No sdtks., t-shirts, nothing. So this poster is pretty freakin’ awesome.

Yay.

Also, trying to stencil a Dr. Steel blazer and Pogues

apron with my assistant/lap blanket

proved a difficult task.

And I guess while I’m at it here’s some leggings I got to turn into thigh-highs

And some New Year’s wishes n’junk. To all of my readers. (I don’t have any readers.)

(unpublished from July)

December 18, 2009

In response to this article, this letter was sent:

Miss Moore,

I was profoundly hurt and dismayed by your column in the Free Times.

I too have been disappointed by a  pasta salad as you. But please believe me that
we at the North American Pasta Salad Consortium (NAPSC) work diligently everyday
to make sure that pasta salad remains a reliable plate filler in delis and coffee shops
throughout the continent. 

Every year we provide support to our members on how to make a palatable pasta
salad in the form of mailers, webcasts and seminars. However there is still much to do
in our ongoing mission to educate restauranteurs  and staff alike.

One of our newest and most popular recipes is Pasta SalmonElla a delicious mixture
of ziti pasta and fish with gorgonzola cheese, named after the late Ella Fitzgerald,
a frequent pasta salad eater.

A recent poll we conducted showed that 44% of Americans and North Americans
preferred pasta salad over 3 bean salad and pork skins! 

  Miss Moore, I only implore that you take another taste of a pasta salad, yes sometimes
it may be mushy or tasteless,  but when you indict its mushyness or tastelessness
you also indict your friends and neighbors that created it.  But I can assure you that
we here at NAPSC are working hard to change attitudes about the way pasta salads
are conceived and received in the present and the future.

Sincerely,
Vic Mantolay
Public Relations Officer
North American Pasta Salad Consortium

 

Soop da Woop

December 18, 2009

Well, Nummers, there isn’t a recipe. For whatever reason, roasted chicken sounded good when I was hungry. So, I bought one and ate the legs and wings. And crispy, crispy skin.

Then I divvied up the remaining meat into (everything else was just whatever I found in the pantry/fridge, hence no recipe):

Chicken vegetable soup

– some chicken

– bag of Publix soup vegetables (tomatos, okra, corn, carrots, green beans, lima beans)

– fresh garlic

– fresh ginger

– chopped onjun

– fresh dried parsley (easy to make: buy some fresh parsley. stick it in the fridge. don’t use all of it. eventually it will dry out.)

– Bragg’s…salt, pepper…turmeric…soy sauce?

– water

Cooked it for a while, added seasonings until it tasted good. It came out super good.

Chicken coconut soup

 – chicken

 – rice noodles

 – can of coconut milk, can of water

– tomato

– lemongrass, Bragg’s…salt and pepper…garam masala…chili paste…to taste

Ooo, lemon juice would have been good. Some greens, too. This also turned out crazy good.

The third thing was chicken salad. I just added stuff I had that seemed like a good idea. Mayonnaise (Duke’s), mustard, horseradish, salt, pepper, turmeric, mom’s pickle relish…I think that’s it. I didn’t like it – it tasted good, I dunno. I guess I just don’t like chicken salad much. Mostly, I don’t really like chicken.

While I’m at it, here’s a broccoli mash (serve as a side, I guess, but I will eat it straight out of the mixing bowl) – it’s raw to boot.

Process 1 clove (I use more) garlic, “1 pinch” black pepper, 1 t salt (I skip salt and add later, to taste) into tiny pieces. Add 1 cp Brazil nuts, process into a powder. Set aside. Process 2 cps broccoli, adding brazil nut powder back in.

It’s kinda of like…homemade almond butter, texture-wise. Tastes crazy good for something so darn healthy.

And this vegan eggless salad is also super good. I guess I like the word super. Ontologically good. Like God.

Mash all this stuff together:

1 block tofu (firm, I use)

1/2 cup mayonnaise (soy, if you want to keep it vegan, Duke’s, if you know what’s good for you)

4T chopped parsley (I get a bunch and add whatever looks right. Then, you can forget to use the rest and end up with nice dried parsley for later.)

1-2 diced pickles or 1/4 cp relish (my mom’s is the best)

1.5 T mustard

1-2 stalks green onion (I call them chives) chopped

2 stalks celery, diced

2 cloves (or more) garlic, minced

1.5 t salt (again, I leave out until it’s all done and then add to taste)

1/4t turmeric

Have you ever heard a SCA’r rant about Renne Faires? It’s hilarious. Who KNEW someone could have such disdain for velcro.

December 18, 2009

“The first is about an actual clinically tested therapeutic technique called “make believe.” It has been proven that many people with low self esteem can experience relief just by pretending to be somebody or something that they consider desirable. Some experts say this is why renaissance faires exist.”

 – BizarroBlog

 – from T-Shirt Hell, whom I still have not forgiven for ruining Harry Potter for me

You are what you read

December 17, 2009

So, according to this list, I:

like bondage

lie

am a man who lives in a mother’ s basement, or a 7th-grade goth

am a librarian

own one straw chair in my house

went to art school after “trying it out” at a public university

Now, that last one is Camus – the one name I was looking for.  Barbara Kingsolver, Christopher Moore and L.M. Montgomery were not on the list. Also, I am good at crosswords, but don’t like William Faulkner. I also like(d) Gilmore Girls, but haven’t read any Sebold.

December 16, 2009

heyheyheyheyhey I know somebody on DW!! I should put this on the blog of mine she reads and comments on but I’m always linking to TDW on this one and I shouldn’t really think this is as neat as I do.

What a busy weekend!

December 16, 2009

Making tacos and drinking champagne for brunch

Decorating the tree

Going out and getting drunk and coming home with finger moustaches

And of course, a peaceful morning recuperating

Also, finally, FINALLY!, here are pictures of the HURBY CURBY YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

Please bear in mind I am not some fancy photo-taker – and it rained and rained right after he was done, so I didn’t get too many close-ups of the excellent detail. Please enjoy the following without commentary:

Best Valentine’s Day present EVAAAAAAAAAAH!

Editor’s note: graffiti art something something hence the one straight line

The Girlfriend Experience

December 3, 2009

Opens with seemingly mundane montage of a couple…at a restaurant, murmering over the breakfast table. Switch to some guy in a gym… and there’s a group of businessmen. Then her voiceover starts, back to the  original couple: what she wore, when they met. Where they met. And the details of their weekend…that she was hired for.

The “girlfriend experience,” wherein a prostitute sticks around, after the fucking. And there’s a lot more talking and boring stuff like spending time together outside of intercourse.

The guy in the gym is her boyfriend (for real). He puts up with it, and is trying to get his own career as a trainer going.

Fairly Soderbergh, the laissez-faire camera work, conversation hopping…his usual interest in bare human interactions and…what would the word be…industrialization? In SLV, it was surburbia. Schizopolis it was cubicle land. Now it’s Wall St. All her boyfriends talk about finance. She lists her very expensive lingerie, clothing and accessories. Some sort of statement, I know it…anyways, the movie continues as snippets threaded together with the base line of she’s trying to move upscale in escort land.

Towards the end a character offers his review, of her performance. I found it also sums up the actresses. Lacking culture/refinement, claiming to be something she isn’t (a good actress)…”a splendid time is not guaranteed.” Secret Diary of a Call Girl works because they’ve made Belle sympathetic. Girlfriend Experience doesn’t work, the lead isn’t sympathetic – or really even there at all. Which, I suppose, is a metaphor/allegory of it’s own.

My friend IM’d me as I watched, asking if it was good. “Eh. Not really. Sort of interesting, since I am familiar with and tend to like Soderbergh, so it’s like seeing a band I like do something new but it aint’ that great – mostly cuz the lead sucks.”

Watch Schizopolis instead. More than once, as they instruct: