Ok, this video is funny for several reasons. Primarily, because it totally captures the viewing experience, in every way. The bad acting, stupid plot and feeling of “what did I just do for two hours? I don’t even remember…”

 Watching this video is actually like watching the whole movie, as the creators explain:

Edward leaves Bella after NOTHING HAPPENS at a party.
Bella spends a good third of the film wallowing in her misery instead of getting the hell over it.
Bella helps Jacob rebuild old motorcycles while NOTHING HAPPENS.
Bella leads Jacob on but NOTHING HAPPENS.
Edward almost kills himself BUT THEN DOESN’T.
Edward gets in a fight with the Volturi but IS THEN FORGIVEN.
Edward and Jacob make some kind of pact, THEN JACOB LEAVES.
Edward asks for Bella’s hand in marriage, THEN THE CREDITS ROLL.

And remember how I was all, “I think part of what bothers me so much about this movie isn’t that it exists, but what girls are taking away from it. Wired shares my concern, in their Top 20 Unfortunate Lessons Girls Learn from Twilight. Including:

  • It is extremely romantic to put yourself in dangerous situations in order to see your ex-boyfriend again. It’s even more romantic to remember the sound of his voice when he yelled at you.
  • Even though you have no intention of dating an alternative male who expresses interest in you, it is fine to string the young man along for months. Also, you should use him to fix things for you. Maybe he’ll even buy you something.
  • You should use said male to fix things because girls are incapable of anything mechanical or technical.
  • When making or watching a major feature film, you should gleefully embrace the 20 minutes of plot it provides in between extended segments of vacant-eyed silence and self-indulgent, moaning banter.

Also good, in that Wired article, a link to the beautiful people who gave us MST3K “riffing” on Twilight.

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