Archive for October, 2009

October 30, 2009

There isn’t anything an Ewok can do that isn’t 100% awesome.

I don’t know what’s going on, here, but watching Al Roker and the Asian lady get all parental on these Ewoks is almost as amusing as the Ewoks’ antics.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/33549454#33549454

It breakdances. Beechawawa.

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The internet wins again!

October 28, 2009

I hadn’t bothered to watch the auto-tune science video thingie, because I don’t understand science and the autotune gimmick fad wasn’t all that funny the first time I saw the news autotuned. But now Bill Nye Science Guy is involved, so I watched it.

Again, another job well done. Really made me want to blast off in my rocketship and crash into a planet. And by that I mean drop a bunch of acid and listen to these guys talk about outerspace while I roll around on the carpet. – Geekologie, who makes everything awesome

Oh and…and…I helped my friend be a Klingon for Halloween once, in Phila. She had bought this forehead prosthetic, and it was awesome. This was circa Before Nerdy Shit Was Cool and Hip. I would describe it with words, but I don’t know if the brains of kids nowadays know how to make pictures in their brains. (Really nobody reads this so I’m not going to waste my time.) Anyways, this shirt wins.

Booooooooooooooooo

October 24, 2009

So last night’s A-Team was a good one, where they save all the old people and their frontier town. Classic Murdock stuff! And then I come to work this morning and find this. Bradly Cooper? Eh. Too douchey. But, I don’t know if there’s any guy who can pull of the 80s machismo schtick. Because men today are pussies. At least the ones in Hollywood are.  LIAM NEESON as Hannibal? Asphinctersays who was in charge of casting this? Did they skip auditions and go straight for “Who would lend credibility that we can afford and get drunk enough to talk into it?” And now BA’s a soulja? And Murdock’s blonde? And who? Whom?

Oh, the guy from District 9. ‘k. And BA is some UFC dude.

Also, Boy George was on The A-Team.

None of this matters, anyways, as it is Hollywood remaking a nostalgic TV show, which means it is a failure from the start. It could be written by Shakespeare and starring…well, anybody, and it will still be poorly written, over-actioned and FAIL.

ringringringringringringring

October 23, 2009

BANANA PHONE!!!!!

I AM IN LOVE.

October 22, 2009

This isn’t hyperbole, not like that time with Tay Zonday (more like chocolate pain :/ ). This is the real thing.

From another new bookmark I have, Eat Me Daily.

October 22, 2009

Oh snap! All the Tick episodes on-line! It isn’t as good as the cartoon, but A++ for effort. I have them all on a bootleg VHS, too. And Crackle’s having a zombie fest, too boot. Way to go, internet.

This one time, I helped some friends be Poodle Girl  for Halloween, we spray painted some plastic guns silver, and left them outside to dry, and somebody stole ’em. I miss Philly.

Been a long time, I shouldn’ta left you

October 22, 2009

without some dope links to uh…bookmark.

Rad-Dudes!! – pictures of awesome and totally rad dudes from across the ages

Black and White WTF? – pictures of awesome and totally WTF old people

 Got some time to kill? Stars Wars in ASCII.

I stumped LTSIFY with “Schopenhauer.” Otherwise, this is way fun. Use “I” a lot,  it’s from Wicked Games, sexiest song evah.

from tdw, of course.

This almost makes me want to get married.

October 19, 2009

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(I have no words.)

Job opening in Carnieland.

October 19, 2009

I don’t really know what chit-chat is like in other offices, I haven’t worked in one in…ever. I’ve been in the funeral business for nearly ten years, and before that…the er, adult industry. So arguing about Lost, or sports things, I have no experience in. One of the local businesses we work with came in to drop off a bill, and here’s how we catch up:

“Hi, what’s new?”

“Just pulled a carnie out of a trailer…”

They proceeded to describe the living areas, the carnies have. Just rows of RVs, each carny having about the size of two of my desks, side by side. Just a microwave and a fridge.

“He was 400 lbs…easy to pull the stretcher right up to it, but had to get firefighters to help with the removal.”

“Like being a carnie isn’t tough enough already,” I said, “without dying in a trailer somewhere…”

He was 50 or 60, had being working the same ride for years…no money, no family, of course.  I’d love to be embedded with a traveling fair for a year or two, and write about it. Christiane Amanpour it ain’t, but still.

Conklin was the company in charge for years and years. The carny crowd is much younger, than it used to be. And less Hispanic. So now they’re runaways, my co-worker quipped, instead of running from the law.

Last year, the handful I met were from South Africa.  You see, the bar a few blocks from my house stays open 24/7 when the fair is in town. So, one morning (Tuesday, I think) saw me drinking with some carnies at 7 p.m. Sadly, the following years saw me employed, so I haven’t been able to spend any more time with the fair folk.

Faire folk, or fey folk. Ha! Renne faire nerd humour.

TFLN is really depressing.

October 16, 2009

At first I was all, ha!

And then I was all, awwww…

But then, reading TFLN just got really depressing. Really, really sad. To think that this horrible shit is actually happening to people. That women are coming into their sexuality this way – and thinking it is OK. That alcohol abuse is so abjectly common place…I really don’t think these kids know what they are doing to their bodies with alcohol (not to mention their still-growing egos/sense of self getting damage points through what they do and say, when intoxicated).

Anyways…I had to stop reading. It was just making me too sad.

However, today I am just too bored. So, here are some bits I found amusing (in between bragging of anonymous, unsafe sex, alcohol poisoning and other embarrassments):

(614): Acid is not a monday night drug

(480): Stop. You don’t mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don’t mean that.

(631): i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that’s what’s in my wallet.

Special mention to this one:

(412): Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?

 

You see kids, I’ve worked in the costuming business for over ten years. I started in a reputable, theatrical store with over 150,000 items to rent out. We’d dress entire casts, QVC sets – and rented a cape to Maury Povich, once!

In this town, my seasonal gig at a local costume shop involves packing away gorgeously made vintage clothing to make room for Leg Avenue crap. IE, slutty shit. It used to be a joke, “Oh, what about a slutty lobster? Slutty ___.” That joke isn’t funny, anymore. Sexy Freddy Krueger is a reality (much to the sadness of my co-worker, who thought she’d thought of a good one).

Two years ago, the last time I worked a season, we had slutty drug dealer (it came with a razor blade necklace and a syringe. Not.making.this.up.), slutty martini

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(NOT a good seller, the “Dirty Martini.” Right up there with “Pokehottie’s” Native American – “Native American” get up), slutty ____ ….I mean, seriously.  We can’t even joke about it anymore.

And this one,

(651): I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me……

If it was on TIVO, I could wait, but if it was 8 p.m., Monday night, I’d chose the show over sex. No I wouldn’t! Of course I wouldn’t. We would have sex and watch it at the same time. Who doesn’t know that??