(306): We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.

 

(314): Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.

 

(405): Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
(1-405): which gay bar do you need a ride home from?

 

(607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

 

(612): Me too. I’d like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.

 

(318): I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.

 

(704): I dumped him because he’s never seen star wars. I’m certain I did the right thing.

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