Archive for August, 2009

Let’s get off the Dork Train

August 26, 2009

And return to other things I love, like history and language. Here’s some hep talk for you cuddle-cooties and snake-charmers out there. Not only are some of the words fantastic, they’ve got some fluky definitions that are the frog’s eyebrows.

These movie posters from Ghana would make a killing,


if reproduced, and what an interesting story – I have to wonder who picked them, though, as they are mostly horror movies, with a few “action” titles thrown in. And uh, House Party. I am digging this blog, Ephemera Assemblyman, I could use more pretty in my bookmarks, less snark. Gotta have balance, right?


August 26, 2009

(717): Can you believe The 5th Element didn’t get best fight scene in 1997?! I’m still bitter. 12 years later.
(1-717): Haha how do you remember that?

For some reason, this awesome movie has come up a lot, lately. Multipass! I never get tired of saying that. And some conversation last week ended with it being realized I am the fifth element.

(509): Guess what I’m doing tomorrow?
(860): Becoming a productive member of society?
(509): Sam. Come on.

(541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
(215): yeah seriously, fuck school. I’m changing my master’s thesis question from “what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality” to “will my cat drink this beer”

New bookmark, guys

August 25, 2009

“Don’t touch the bacon, it’s not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i’ll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing.”

Shit My Dad Says (via DailyWhat, of course).

August 24, 2009

(503): i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking (1-503): I wish that high-you wouldn’t text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning


(803): so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.


Good. I hate 5 Pts and those stupid frat kids deserve everything they get.


(419): The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I’ve heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.


(704): You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because “that’s where your life belongs”


(973): Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back


August 21, 2009

So as you know if you’ve ever read my blog (imaginary people know how to read!) I got My First Cellphone (I hate it) recently. This would help me like it more:


It’s a bluetooth thingie!  Apparently bluetooth lets you talk on the phone without having to hold it to your face (I call it speakerphone?), but this…I love.

August 21, 2009

(619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
(716): do you not see the irony in that??


(908): she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh… she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.


(480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, “I can has cheeseburger?” and then went back to eating me out.


(317): and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.


(813): I think dad’s getting high again. His last google search was “awesome ping pong shit.”


(780): but the lizard people decide everything anyway


(651): News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
(936): Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we’re going. Hope there is candy.

How can something so wrong feel…so right?

August 20, 2009


Get the tee from Joannarchy.

August 20, 2009

This is your new favourite band:

I want their blood recipe, his spandex pants and another copy of the Jr Sr CD I lost a few years ago.

August 20, 2009

I was trying not to just have lists of TFLN, but sometimes they are so funny, or close to home, or something I’ve done or thought…

You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.

I marched for True Love Waits


with a bagpipe player, who knew one song.

(541): at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
(1-541): only in oregon

Only anywhere I ever drink around a fire…

(414): it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

Bad kissing is TEH WURST.


Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta



Ha ha ha…True Blood 4-evah! Worst thousands of years old vampire overlord EVER.

Oh dear.

August 19, 2009

Twenty bucks will get you a spiffy unicorn…of some sort.


“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

The descriptions are funny, but I can’t help feel a smidge of sacrilege. Unicorns don’t puke! What can I say…I’m old school.


Also found this when looking for an awesome unicorn photo:



Also, Aw of the Day:

I can’t figure out how to embed it, Little Big Love animated short.